This is to all the nice people who I have communicated with during Jan, Feb and March.....I feel as if I should let you guys know what happened to me and why I disappeared so suddenly.........................................................................

You see, I found this sight in the first place because I was looking for my son. (or birthson as the children of the birthmother are known as) I knew that when he was in his teens he was a rock climber, so I was googling his name and it kept telling me Deviantart....Fine said I, after every search engine told me the same thing.......so I clicked on Deviantart, and there he was......a photographer.....who photographs rock and roll bands....hey, genes are a trip aren't they.

Well, due to certain indicators I had over the years, I thought that he would be glad to hear from me and promptly wrote him a couple of notes on this site.....and waited to hear from him.......and waited ........and waited........and waited.......


Meanwhile I was waiting to move up here to northern california, and finally managed to pull that off in April and it was just yesterday that I finally found a place to live!

Well, about the time I got here, I found his folks email address......and wrote his mom, as she and I had always gotten along real well and we talked over the years and she kept me up on what he was doing..... She wrote back that he wanted nothing to do with me, I had figured that out by myself as I had also writtten him several email letters, and he never sent any kind of acknowledgement that he even knew I was writing him......but it was so very hard to find out my suspicions were true.....I had always thought that we were going to be able to be friends when he grew up. (I didn't want to get in the way when he was growing up, or divide his loyalties, but I watched from a distance)


It was in March that I had to leave the place I was staying, and as I was still waiting for the check from the gov't tax agency.....so I stayed in my van on the street, and my life was consumed with waiting , waiting for the check and waiting to hear from my son......the check finally arrived, after 4 months, but I still haven't heard from my son.......and that March and early April was the hardest times I have ever had to live through.....

When I came on this site, I was always reminded of my son, so I stopped. It was just too painful, and I wasn't ready to try to explain why I disappeared then. My son is the last member of my family who is alive, and his rejection was more than I could face. I looked a lot of pictures of kittens to keep myself from totally going under.


So now, I am a little better, I still haven't heard from him and his mom tried to talk to him about me, and he is going through a tough time right now, and he is still adament that he wants nothing to do with me, but I finally am going to have a place to live.

and that is the coolest of all, it's a house with artists in it, and while my room is small, it will be nice to have roommates who understand.....Usually, I have to do a lot of explaining about myself to "normal" people.........Anyone else find that normal people don't understand you????!!!! And it's about 1/2 block from the top of San Fransisco Bay, so it will be a lot cooler in the summer than Sonoma is! (the older I get the meaner I get in hot weather and Sonoma often hits temps in excess of 100 degrees in the summer!!!) and they have wireless....


I only have one problem,.......the art work I put up on this site before, well it was my friends in LA who did it, I watched.......now I don't know how to put the stuff up here.......and so far I know more about computers and the interenet, (which is a pitiful amount I must admit) than any of my friends up here!!!


Oh and the other good thing is that where I will be living is only about 20 minutes away from Sonoma!!!!

So.....my apologies fo you all, I didn't mean to be rude, I was fighting for my life and my sanity (such as it is) and you will alll never know how much your kind comments about my work and our chats back and forth, how much they meant to me. It was about the only bright spot in my life at the time......but it did get to be too painful....


Anyway, I am back!!! it was so nice to the site again, and while I'll be buzy painting and moving and getting settled in for a couple of weeks, when I do get settled in, I'll have acess to the internet right there at home!!!! I won't have to go to the library to pug into their internet.....


Sally